Happy Birthday Theodore!
On September 19 2023, Cass and I walked into the breast center office for what we thought would be a quick in-and-out appointment to confirm that the lump in her breast was benign. We didn’t think for a moment that it would be cancerous. It was the anniversary of our engagement, a day we celebrated with lunch at Little Pub where we had our first date 9 years prior. Cass was 30ish weeks pregnant with our second boy, things had been going pretty smoothly and we had a busy 10 weeks ahead of us before our baby would arrive. What we learned that day would change the course of our lives forever.
Invasive ductal carcinoma. IDC. I never felt so out of water about what we should do. We met so many people immediately who assured us they had a plan, that everything would be ok. We left there spinning, wondering what the future would hold for us, for our baby, for Benji… We still wonder about these questions today. The plan was to get started with chemo as soon as possible, even with our little boy still inside his mom’s belly. What an insane idea! Here we were avoiding all potentially toxic things for the baby over the past 7 months and now we're going to give him two rounds of chemo, followed by inducing labor three weeks early? Shortly after giving birth, Cass would have to prepare her body for eight more rounds of chemo. How on earth are any of us going to survive this?
Remarkably, Cass and the baby did really well together during their chemo together. The baby kept growing and Cass had shockingly limited side effects from chemo. The induction process wasn’t the easiest but we are thankful for the help of the doctors and nurses at Bridgeport Hospital for their patience and expertise during that part of our journey (Shout out to Sierra!). We didn’t have a name finalized in the hospital, wavering between Elliott and Theodore. We really wanted the name Gordon as a tip of the hat to Cass’ grandmother’s maiden name but didn’t like how Gordon flowed into Torres. It sounded funny. We liked Elliott, but liked the name meaning behind Theodore meant more: God’s gift. We decided to name Theo as a prayer: “Would this little boy’s life be a gift for us in this challenging season of our lives?”
What a shocking answer to prayer we had. The kid is just happy and there is no better panacea to grief than a happy baby. He’s a good eater, good sleeper, and on and on and on. Theo’s older brother Benji similarly could have struggled with this new change in our family, yet he took on the role of older brother like trying on an old coat. We could not ask for more from him in how he loves his little brother. And Theo has been remarkably healthy. In his first year of life he barely had a cold. At his one year doctor’s appointment, we learned he is in the 98% percentile for height and 95% for weight. He’s a big, healthy boy! Every parent hopes for their children’s physical health and we have been blessed there. But God has been generous in showing his love for us in Theo’s love and affection. We even learned that the name Theodore is the masculine version of Dorthy, who is Cass’ other grandmother. So to summarize, both his first and middle names are in memory of his maternal great grandmothers. It's even these little things which point us back to the myriad ways which God has demonstrated his love for us in this little boy.
If we could turn back time and had the choice to go through this all again, we would say “No thanks!!”. We hate the brokenness of this world and cancer is a big example of it. But we have learned lessons which we may never have learned otherwise. I think all of this is easier said for me, though certainly affected by cancer, I didn’t have to walk the walk that Cass did. Still, I learned the reality of the brokenness of this world and it caused me to run to Jesus like I had never done so before. I learned about the abounding love that Jesus has for my family and I in how we’ve been cared for this past year. We didn't face the financial struggles we anticipated, we had loads of family and community support. The subsequent scans Cass took after finding the initial lump were clear showing the cancer hadn’t spread. Theodore was born healthy and has remained healthy. Cass survived intense chemo, a double mastectomy, and a month of radiation with tremendous strength. Our marriage has survived the hardest 12 months we could have imagined. In life we are guaranteed to struggle, experience heartbreak, and some day die. But to quote Richard Dawkins, we should expect “pitiless indifference” from the universe in the face of this death and decay. What we experienced was such a tremendous series of “good breaks” that my only logical conclusion is that God loves us and has so ordered our affliction for our good, such that it would grow in our understanding and love for Him.
I could have posted a few photos of Theo and our family and said “I love this boy!” but when I look at his little face, all of these thoughts are what come to mind. My love for him blossoms into a whole host of emotions which I’ve felt in the year since his birthday. I am so thankful for him and how he has demonstrated God’s love in his precious life. Without trying at all, he has reflected God to me in a way I have never experienced Him before. Thank you Theo and happy first birthday!
